Thursday, November 30, 2006

Irish Technology

After having dug to a depth of 1000 meters last year, Scottish scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network more than 1000 years ago.

Not to be outdone by the Scots, in the weeks that followed, English scientists dug to a depth of 2000 meters and shortly after headlines in the UK newspapers read; English archaeologists have found traces of 2000year old fibre-optic cable and have concluded that their ancestors already had an advanced high-tech digital communications network a thousand years earlier
than the Scots.

One week later, Irish newspapers reported the following: After digging as deep as 5000 meters in a County Mayo bog, Irish scientists have found absolutely nothing. They, therefore, have concluded that 5000 years ago, Ireland's inhabitants were already using wireless technology.

Wednesday, November 29, 2006

And talking of Numeracy ...

On one occasion I was required to cover a maths class.

Now, I have an A/O level in Additional Maths - for the unintiated thats halfway between an old 'O' level and an old 'A' level. Achieving this qualification was not of my own doing; the school I attended (for some unknown reason) selected me to take the course and, with the help of a tutor for the Mechanics section of the syllabus, I managed to get a decent grade.

That said, maths is not my strongest point.

So the class are looking at the probability of getting a three when you throw a dice. Bearing in mind my qualification in this area, and more importantly the fact that I am a champion Yahtzee player, I thought I could manage this OK - even I knew the answer was one in six!

Until I met the student who convinced me it was one in two. After all, you either did or you didn't!!

With mathematics like that, I'm for doing the lottery on Saturday ;-)

Quote of the Day

"Miss, do you know you can get two 'George Best' fivers for a tenner?"


Monday, November 27, 2006

Desperately Seeking ...

in order to allow another ex-colleague to conduct
this experiment

Thursday, November 16, 2006

Campaign of Mis-information

I was wandering through Woolies, as you do coming up to Christmas, when I came across a whole box of educational posters for sale. You know the type; shapes, colours, numbers, alphabet etc. Once the teacher always the teacher, so I'm having a wee look when I see it. The Solar System. With Pluto still in place!

I resisted the urge (another urge!) to say to the girl at the till did she not know that Pluto had been downgraded, and the even greater urge to lift an indelible ink pen from the next aisle to write the appropriate correction on every poster.

Just think of all the babies and pre-schoolers who are being wrongly educated in the way of the solar system. The science teachers of the world might NEVER be able to undo this incorrect learning.

Un-named Ex-colleague, you've your work cut out for you

Sunday, November 12, 2006

Pastie Suppers and Big Knickers

It's a well documented fact that I don't like cold. In fact, I don't do cold, which is why the other half goes skiing with his mates and not his family.

I did do cold once (before marriage - a time when you are prepared to tholl anything) but unfortunately it turned out to be the coldest I have ever been in my life, bar none, as I got stuck on a broken button lift halfway up a freezing Scottish Highland in a raging blizzard. It wasn't good, and I made sure everyone knew that too!

At one stage, as I was getting dressed in preparation for the great expedition South yesterday, I wondered would it be cold and audibly mused that I could really do wth a pair of big knickers. No sooner had the mumble crossed my lips that a pair were thrown at me (obviously the memory of the 'scene' on that Scottish mountainside still fresh after all these years).

When I said 'big', I hadn't meant ones that went from my ankles to underneath my bra, covering every square inch of flesh in between. But thats exactly what I got; cream thermal long johns, in lovely waffle fabric.

Not only did I spend the afternoon walking like a constipated duck, (I couldn't bend my knees with the volume of fabric gathered round them as gravity worked on the knickers) but also avoiding bending over in case the jeans moved down and the jumpers (4) moved up to reveal ... what an unthinkable sight!

There is photographic evidence of this, but it's not for public consumption.

What's that got to do with pastie suppers? Well, nothing really, only that when we hit the toll yesterday afternoon, I had this irresistible urge to ask the woman working in the booth for two pastie suppers and a chip. A bit like the time in the old fashioned sweet shop at the Ulster Folk Museum when I asked for a quarter of midget gems, with the greens taken out. Sometimes you just get an urge ...

PS The waffle pattern is still imprinted on my @r$e 24 hours later

Saturday, November 11, 2006


I am in the front row, so should be easy to spot ...

Chemical on TV!

BBC 2, 16.45 tonight. Singing 'Fields of Athenry' live.
Don't miss it :-)

Sunday, November 05, 2006

A woman rubbed a bottle and out popped a genie.

The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The genie said, "Nope, sorry, three-wish genies are a storybook myth. I'm a one-wish genie. So... what'll it be?" The woman did not hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East.

See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other and I want all the Arabs to love the Jews and Americans and vice-versa. It will bring about world peace and harmony."

The genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Lady, be reasonable. These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm out of shape after being in a bottle for five hundred years.. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish and please be reasonable."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know - one that's considerate and fun, romantic, likes to cook and help with the house cleaning, gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That is what I wish for...a good man."

The genie let out a sigh and said, "Let me see the map again."

Saturday, November 04, 2006

Is it a good night at the rugby or a bad night at the rugby

when this is the most exciting thing to happen on the pitch?

Ooh er Mrs!

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Victim of the Nanny State

Believe it or not, I have been subject, over the past couple of days, to an email campaign against my blog! So, due to persistent demand (by the bottom right) it is with great regret that I announce that I have had to remove the Halloween 'Trick or Treat' shots from my blog.

Of course, you know what the problem is; some people just don't appreciate a nice view when they see it!