Now that I'm 'older' here's what I've discovered about life:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
2. My wild oats have turned into porridge.
3. I finally got my body together; now my head is falling apart.
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded... If all is not lost, where is it?
6. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
7. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
8. Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few...
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
12. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
13. It's hard to make a come back when you haven't been anywhere.
14. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're on the bog.
15. If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would have put them on my knees.
16. When I'm finally holding all the cards, everyone decides to play chess.
17. Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...
18. It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.
19. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
20. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.
21. Funny, I don't remember being . . . . . absent minded...

God, grant me the senilty to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference