Wednesday, April 07, 2010

An arse the size of a small country

I have been in Portrush. Nice place, terrible shops.

I arrived two days ago and as usual when I got here I discovered I had
arrived without some essentials. On this occasion it was mascara,
socks and knickers. First things on Sunday morning I had to trawl the
town looking for these items. The socks I got in the third petrol
station I visited. And that was the total extent of my success.

In an attempt to acquire knickers I was sent (by my mother, I should
have known better!) to the White House. Locals will understand; if you
are American, this is NOTHING like what you are imagining.

The first pair were what can only be described as bloomers. Dolly took
one look and with eyes wide asked 'mummy, what ARE those??'

It was even funnier when she held them against herself and they came
below her knees. The second pair were nothing short of steel
reinforced. When I was very young I remember ads on the TV for 18 hour
girdles. I think these might have been an original from that era.

The best pair, well they looked like they'd been made from a
dishcloth, or four! Pictorial evidence on the 365 photoblog. Faced
with the prospect of wearing those I felt it would be more appropriate
and a lot more comfortable to go commando.

Did I mention the smallest size in stock of any knickers was a medium
(36")?

Then dolly found the pair I eventually bought. Made by Sloggi, called
shorts, with scalloped edges and a big lily on the right cheek. At £7
a pair they're obviously what passes for sexy lingerie in this part of
the country.

Close your eyes and imagine the sight. I defy you to laugh.

Sent from my iPhone

6 comments:

Judith said...

hahahahahhahahahahaha is my only comment and the shops haven't improved then in Portrush!!

Ali said...

I should have said, title courtesy of Devine Comedy: National Express

Wils said...

a big lily on the right cheek ... oh lol. I love the white house - but for a REAL Port-slow experience, you should have gone to Hillis' up the street......

Big knickers are for "there, there, there" days when you want soup and a hot pud with custard.

Ali said...

Wils, it's exactly because Hillis' up the road is so bad that I went to the White House! There are big knickers, and there are these knickers.

Judy, I imagine it's the exact same stock you saw on your last visit!!

Nancy Mon said...

I don't know about your white house experience, but you have me laughing really hard.

St said...

Way too much information.