I took the lawnmower for a walk today

I thought I was cutting the grass; turns out the rotors or cutters or whatever you call them weren't lowered.

I wondered why the grass didn't look any shorter when I'd finished.

Actually, I'm going to elaborate on this story. You should know that, so temperamental is the machine that I had to make two phone calls to find out which bit to kick to get it to work in the first instance.

Then, on the one hundredth pull of the cord whilst holding the switch simultaneously in the 'on' position while the 10 year old engaged the brake, when it did start, the thing developed a life of it's own and literally dragged said 10 year old round the garden behind it. With me chasing along behind in my flip-flops.

Add to that the fact that I was then insulted and ridiculed by being told I was using it like a hoover, not a lawnmower.

And at the end of all this, it turns out the feckin grass still hasn't been cut.