Two days (and very little sleep) into our camping trip we are cursing roosters and smokers in the next tent who try to cough their lungs up at 4am.
Sleep deprivation requires more tea in the morning, and I am on my second or possibly even third mug of the hour when a man clutching a string bag with two onions in it wanders over to the tent and asks:
'Do you use the onions?'
I wasn't too sure if he was surveying me or offering me his, so I did what I have always been told to do if a strange man (ie one you don't know, just to clarify and avoid litigation in case he surfs on here and recognises himself from the account) offers you anything - I said no thankyou.
The three mugs of tea cleared my head enough to enable me to head up to the washroom for a shower to complete the waking process. As I head out of the washroom back towards the tent I jump out of my skin as I am accosted from behind:
'Do you use the onions?'
Wide awake now!
Everyone has their wee jobs to do in the tent in the morning before we head out for the day, and one of Dolly's is to take recyclable rubbish up to the bins, only she can't reach them so I stroll up to the recycle point with her to dump an empty washing-up liquid bottle. As I lift her to put the bottle in the bin a voice from the far side of the bin says:
'Do you use the onions?'
So I explain that I have nothing to chop them on, or with and that I've nothing to cook them with or in, that they make me cry anyway and the kids aren't particulary fond, not to mention how would I ever get the smell out of the tent and basically NO! I DON'T USE THE ONIONS. Thankyou.
When we get back to the tent I explain to the kids that under no circumstances are they to accept onions from anyone they don't know, and they're looking at me oddly as if I'm mad and asking am I sure I don't mean sweets. But I insist no, I mean onions.
Just at that, the other half strolls into the tent ... carrying a string bag with two onions in
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